Ugh!

So, after our appointment last week, we decided to delay starting our next cycle until after Christmas. It will just work so much easier. But a part of me wants it to be over with already! Also, I was told I have a slightly low AMH. Still within a normal range, but low for my age. SO now I'm in panic mode so bad. But I'm keeping it in. But I can already feel the anxiety building.

I had an amazing night on Saturday, went out with my friend, and just had so much fun, I felt so happy, all day yesterday I felt crappy, but only from my hangover, but still buzzing! Today, I'm off work, we're having a new boiler & shower fitted, and it's not going to well. The plumber has already been here a week, violating my house! But anyway, Today. Today I feel so ugh. It doesn't help that people keep asking me about my ex best friend, apparently she's back on fb ( I don't have fb) & posting lots & uploading pictures. Now, we never really had a major fall out, she just left her husband, moved in with new boyfriend 2 months later, and then dumped me because new bf didn't like me (because of something my cousin said!). And haven't seen her in over a year & a half. So as you can imagine I'm pretty cut up, I still miss her almost every damn day. And so people asking me about her, well it's ripping open the cuts that are still only just beginning to scab over. It sounds stupid, But I literally live in fear of bumping into her, and her being pregnant. How silly & stupid is that?? Blahhhh.

I need hubby home, I need more friends, and I need to start freaking accept a life without children.

I wish I had one of those happy blogs, that everyone loves. You know, spouting crap about riding unicorns, and cherishing every moment. Yeah, its autumn in the uk, which does not mean spectacular trees & skies. It means grey & drizzle. Every day. I'm probably never going to be a mum, and I'm gonna take a wild guess & say I'm probs never gonna be riding a fricking unicorn.