Oh infertility, you suck massive balls.....

Well, it's been a while. We've had a bit of a worrying time with my Grandad, but thankfully he is slowly recovering. I haven't blogged in a while, as I felt I had nothing worthwhile to say. Then tonight, I am settling down for the Xfactor final (Don't Judge!) & I notice a text from my best friend. Bam. Knife to the stomach. She's pregnant with no2. Now don't get me wrong, of course I am happy for her, she's a fantastic person, and an amazing mum. But for fucks sake, can I not get a break? 4 1/2 years later, would it hurt for it to just once be me that has the happy news? I am now dreading our cycle starting in Jan. I have a gut feeling this won't work. I know it sounds crazy, but I always knew I would get pregnant, and I did. We were so lucky to get that positive, even if it only lasted a week.  I just know deep down that, that is all we will have. I'm trying desperately not to let the bitterness eat me alive. Wish me luck.....