19 Weeks 5 Days

I am terrible at keeping this updated. It seems that the further my pregnancy goes on the more I procastinate. Hmm.

Everything is going ok, so far. I still don't feel fully comfortable with taking this pregnancy for granted, I still have a very long way to go. I'm not used to cruising comfortably along, for such a long time life has been a roller coaster of a ride, up & down. And I think infertility leaves you with a very bitter view on  happy events. Yes I may be pregnant today, but tomorrow I may not be. I mean really, how many women that don't go through the shitty journey that is infertility & ivf, sit and fret that all this may be taken away from them. I'm guessing none. The ones Ive spoken with on forums, take it all very much for granted, because they got pregnant after 3 months, why would anything go wrong? That happens to other people. Just like infertility. That's meant to happen to other people. Some vague friend of a friend, not me.

I don't mean to sound so negative, I'm just scared I guess. I've waited so long for this, and now I'm pregnant, with twins. I'm worried if I start to believe it, it might just be taken away from me. Stay strong bubbas, stay strong.

On a positive note, by bump is growing by the day, it's very difficult to not see I'm pregnant. In fact I'm bigger than a friend who's 33 weeks! But I don't care, if it means the baby bubbas are growing big and strong. I'm also feeling movement from them. None of that butterfly crap the pg books will have you believe. Nope, I feel like I'm brewing farts when they start discoing! I still sit and wait for a fart to rip before I'm sure it's them.

My doppler is still the bane of my freaking life. I cannot not use it, but I'll be buggered if I can find both twins with it. I think Ive found them both, but then I can't be sure. I'm trying so hard to keep a sane head on my shoulders, but then I find myself googleing the possibility of having lost one twin *bangs head on laptop*

My pubic bone currently feels like it's about to crack open with every step I take, and my hips also sporadically decided to stop playing ball. But it's ok, according to the male GP I saw last week, it's all normal pregnancy stretching. Joy! But that's all I have to grumble about, and even then when I do, I feel like a massive shit, so I stop.

I have my 20 week scan next week! We have 100% decided NOT to find out what we're having. Although it's killing me :) I really want to know, But I know I'll regret it to my dying day if I do. It will be great to find out at the birth.