I had a bit of a scare at 10+4. I had a bit of light brown discharge, and immediately my world ended. It was exactly the same as what happened when I miscarried. It started light, didn't get really any heavier, but I lost the baby a week later. Anyway, this time it stopped by Sunday evening, but re-appeared Tuesday Morning and stayed until Thursday when I had a very watery pink bleed. I was desperate, I just needed to know my babies were ok. But I couldn't get a scan until 9.30 on Sunday. Friday I had a lot of dark brown discharge, by this time we had resigned ourselves to the fact the worst was going to happen. Even though it hadn't got any worse, we knew it didn't need too. We spent the time accepting whatever lay ahead, knowing that we still had each other, and that however painful, we will get through it. It sounds so cheesy to write that, but if one good thing has come out of this infertility bull shit, it's that our relationship has never been stronger. Yes he bugs the hell out of me sometimes, but we know whatever shit life throws at us, we will survive it. I feel like a song such be cued there!
Anyway, Sunday came, we got to the early pregnancy unit, and it was explained to us that the sonographer wouldn't explain or show us anything, we will just be scanned, then wait to see the Nurse who would explain what was found. We went into the scan room, I was almost hyperventilating, I was so nervous. After scanning for about 30 seconds, the sonographer turned the screen and said "well I can see 2 heartbeats!" Oh the relief! She scanned for a few minutes longer letting us watch, Twin 1 was such a wriggle bum, his little arms were moving everywhere! Twin 2 on the other hand was just chilling! Twin one measured 11+3, and twin 2 measured 11+5-which is what I was. Twin 1 has always been smaller, but both have caught up from the last scan at 8 weeks. There was no reason given for the spotting, and so no guarantees it won't return.
The relief at seeing them healthy & happy lasted about 2 days when the paranoia crept back in! I stupidly brought a doppler, and now paranoia creeps in when I can't find both of them! I have another scan this coming Wednesday, my 12 week scan, but I'll be 14 weeks, its mainly a dating scan and also the scan to asses downs risk, but we've decided against it. It would have to be a 100% certainty that one of the babies was suffering pain for us to ever consider termination, so I don't see the point in having my risk assessed. It makes no difference anyway. I know a lot of other people feel differently, but I don't need a number to tell me my babies are perfect. They'll be perfect no matter what.
So anyway! Here they are at 11+5 I'm so in love with these little nuggets already :)
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