3DP5DT

So the IVF train had begun, and is very nearly over.

A brief update: I started stimming on the 31st August 0.5ml Of Suprecur once a day.  Had my baseline scan on the 14th September, Stimming began on the 15th 3 vials of Menopur once a day. I had my first of many scans on the 19th, then they were every other day until the last on the 26th, I was told I had 6 follies that were looking ready to go with 2 more a possibility. I was really upset by this, as I'd hoped in my perfect pre IVF idealistic mind, that I would have lots of perfect follies that would lead to lots of perfect eggs. I did my HCG trigger shot at 9pm on the 26th September, with Egg collection scheduled for 8.30am on the 28th.


We had to be at the hospital for 7.30, we were both very nervous, Hubby went to do his sample at about 7.50am, and came back at about 8.05!! I was fully expecting him to be gone for ages, bless him! The nurses came for me at about 8.40, and I walked to the theatre, got myself positioned, chatted to the anaesthetist, who was sorting out my cannula, that was actually the most painful thing about the whole procedure! I woke up back in our room, and was very dopey! The nurse told us they had managed to retrieve 13 eggs, I was so happy! I did ramble a lot of shit! We had taken our sharps bin with us for the clinic to dispose of, hubby asked the nurse where he should take it, and she kindly offered to take it with her. She asked if we needed the bag back, hubby said it didn't matter, but me in my drugged state, shouted "It's a bag for life!" Like it was literally the most important thing for me to get the bag back! I'm such a loser! Anyway, not long after, we left the hospital. We popped in to Curry's on the way home, we wanted to pick up a DVD player, as ours had broken, and I was pretty certain, I couldn't last the next 2 weeks without one!

29.09.11-We got the progress call the next at about 11am, of the 13 Collected, 12 were injected, and 10 fertilized.
30.09.11Progress call number 2- we have:
 3x1 cell embryos, that were no longer developing.
1x 3 Cell
2 x 4 cell which the embryologist said they were top quality.
1 x 5 Cell

So we were pretty pleased with that, and it was decided that we would go for a 5 day transfer, unless anything changed drastically over night.

1.10.11 No phone call! Started progesterone suppositories.
03.10.11- 5 Day transfer, we had to be in for 9.30, went in for transfer pretty much straight away! It went very smoothly, the prep was a little uncomfortable, but then it always is! The actual transfer was painless, and the Consultant was really lovely, and made sure we could see exactly what was happening, and told us to look for a white flash, as the embryo went into my uterus. I missed it, but Hubby saw it! We had one perfect 5 day blastocyst transferred, and was told we would hear about the progress of the rest the next day. We made it home for about 11.30, and I rested on the settee for the rest of the day!
04.10.11 AKA 1DP5DT- We got a progress report on the remaining embryos, and unfortunately none made it to freeze. We're both very upset about this, as it means we may not be able to afford another fresh cycle any time soon.

2DP5DT- feeling very emotional, cramping on and off all day, felt sick and dizzy on first waking, cleared as the day went on. Had a very strange feeling as I was in bed. The cramping seemed to intensify slightly about 9.30pm last night. I had one very sharp stab in the left side of my uterus. Then my uterus felt very hot, it was a very bizarre feeling, on touching the area, it didn't feel hot to the touch, but felt hot for about 2 minutes. it then went to nothing, and I haven't felt it since!

3DP5DT- I've been cramping on and off all day, I'm feeling very deflated and beaten today and really feel it's over before it's begun. I dared to believe after the transfer and came crashing back to earth the next day. My head is flying away with possibilities and what ifs, but my heart is resolute, and I think knows the truth my head is trying to ignore. I so desperately want this to work, I want to have our baby so bad, but I'm slowly beginning to realise that maybe it is all just a dream. A dream not meant for us. But hey, here's hoping.

So it begins.

Well we have a date for our ivf info evening, and also another appointment with the consultant. So it looks like we are on course to start treatment in September.

So I should be happy right? This is what I've spent the best part of 3 years waiting for, at last a real chance of getting pregnant. But instead I'm terrified. This opens up a whole load of what ifs. And they're what ifs that I have no control over. It also makes me angry, why can't I have a normal pregnancy? Why didn't I get pregnant the first month trying? Why can't I take for granted what millions of others do?

Moving forward

Well, I certainly haven't kept this blog updated!


Since the last update our referral for treatement has been submitted and we are officially on the waiting list! We have been told we will need IVF with ICSI, so the most expensive! But we are very fortunate to get one treatment provided free on the NHS, and if that doesn't work then it will be time to take a long hard look at our future.

I'm hoping that with my age, and the fact that all apears to be "ok" with me, then it will help us. I have managed to get my weight down, and am no longer classed as obese, rather just over weight! I have lost 3 1/2 stones so far, but still have about another 2 to loose. I'm trying to remain focused, but sometimes that's not so easy to do....... Like when you're on cycle 44, and no longer cry when your period starts, rather you just become more bitter. So why the hell should I not eat a whole bar of dairy milk? And I'm talking 500g.....!

But for the most part I try to keep my chocohollic, bitter & twisted side under control. And I am learning to love my life for what it has in it, rather than despising it for what is lacking.